One Month Letter

Dear Aidan,

I refuse to believe I've known you for only a month. I honestly feel like my whole life I've known you. My whole life is you. My whole life was leading up to me being your mother. I really feel that way, and I couldn't be happier with you.

Your smiles melt my heart, you cries ice it over until I can make sure you are okay. I never thought I'd be able to smile and adore a little screaming baby at 3am when I haven't slept more than an hour at a time in days. But I do. And when you sleep through the night I never thought I'd wake up and check on you, I figured I'd be too exhausted to care. I was up multiple times just to know you were breathing.

You've taken my world, shook it, turned it upside down, and I can't remember what my life used to be like anymore. What did I do when I got home from work? Now I hold you, feed you, and rock you long after you've fallen asleep. What did I do on the weekends? I crammed as many work hours in as possible because I was bored, now I try to leave work as much as possible because I can't stand the thought of you lacking quality time with your mother.

I am scared to death I'm somehow harming you by being back to work so soon. I really hope our time together, althought scant, is quality time that shows you how much I care. I know it's irrational, so I really hope one day you'll understand.

My little man, so innocent. It's hard to be mad when you cry. You don't know how to manipulate anyone. You don't know how to act like a spoiled brat. You only know a few basic things (am I fed, changed, clothed, warm, secure?). the innocense I see in your face while you're sleeping literally brings me to tears.

So, my little man, I hope time slows down a bit. It's gone by way too quickly and now I can't help but panic a little because I already see so many changes in you. It's hard to adjust, but we'll work through it together, okay?

Love You,
Mommy