One Month Letter

Dear Aidan,

I refuse to believe I've known you for only a month. I honestly feel like my whole life I've known you. My whole life is you. My whole life was leading up to me being your mother. I really feel that way, and I couldn't be happier with you.

Your smiles melt my heart, you cries ice it over until I can make sure you are okay. I never thought I'd be able to smile and adore a little screaming baby at 3am when I haven't slept more than an hour at a time in days. But I do. And when you sleep through the night I never thought I'd wake up and check on you, I figured I'd be too exhausted to care. I was up multiple times just to know you were breathing.

You've taken my world, shook it, turned it upside down, and I can't remember what my life used to be like anymore. What did I do when I got home from work? Now I hold you, feed you, and rock you long after you've fallen asleep. What did I do on the weekends? I crammed as many work hours in as possible because I was bored, now I try to leave work as much as possible because I can't stand the thought of you lacking quality time with your mother.

I am scared to death I'm somehow harming you by being back to work so soon. I really hope our time together, althought scant, is quality time that shows you how much I care. I know it's irrational, so I really hope one day you'll understand.

My little man, so innocent. It's hard to be mad when you cry. You don't know how to manipulate anyone. You don't know how to act like a spoiled brat. You only know a few basic things (am I fed, changed, clothed, warm, secure?). the innocense I see in your face while you're sleeping literally brings me to tears.

So, my little man, I hope time slows down a bit. It's gone by way too quickly and now I can't help but panic a little because I already see so many changes in you. It's hard to adjust, but we'll work through it together, okay?

Love You,
Mommy

Routines + Holidays

Routines + holidays don't mix well with us, apparently. We happily had Aidan on a routine (well, as much of a routine as an infant can have!) and he was sleeping through the night easily. Enter the holidays, and all routine was out the window. Also out the window was any hope of him sleeping through the night! We were out all day, therefore he was up most of the day, and out late at night. You'd think he would be more tired, and sleep better, but nope. He was up every 2-3 hours again.

Luckily last night we had no obligations, went home after work, and went right back to our routine. bath, bottle, rocking to sleep. He was out like a light by 10pm, and didn't make one single peep until 6:30am.

Good, good boy. Momma loved the sleep.

I guess our little man thrives on routine, which is nice, because I do too. I get disgruntled easily when my days are skewed by unknown circumstances.

The holidays were good over here in our little world. Get togethers and plenty of gifts, and yummy food. Truthfully I'm just happy they are over. It was stressful with a new baby and not really having tons of money to throw out the window to buy gifts for everyone. The whole family insisted on exchanging gifts so we felt pressured into reciprocating. I feel bad because we didn't really have the extra money, but we did, and they liked their gifts and now it's over. Aidan got lots of things, clothes, a couple toys, diapers, etc. I'll have to take some pictures of the best items.

My favorite, most treasured present (other than my beautiful son) is a necklace that my brother and sister in law bought me. You can see what it looks like http://www.thingsremembered.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/TRproduct_10001_9951_599760_-1 there. They had it engraved with "Aidan Michael" on the heart. I definitely teared up and haven't taken it off since. It isn't super expensive or fancy, but it's so precious to me.

I have more pictures to share once I'm at home, and I have his 1 month letter coming later today hopefully. I can't believe he's over 1 month old already!

I Found Santa

He might of stolen my heart first thing this morning, all dressed up and quietly looking around.
He also got quite excited when he realized there was fur on his collar, and on the ends of his sleeves. He rubbed against his collar all day.

He was pretty pooped out by the end of the day. Being Santa isn't easy after all.
Merry Christmas from Aidan, Mike, & Me! :)

Week Four

Aidan is 4 weeks old today! With that announcement I have some pictures, and of course updates!


Here is my big boy, eyeballin me and wondering when he gets to eat again. LOL. His hair is starting to get wavy, which isn't surprising since Mike and I both have wavy hair. I think it's absolutely precious! Pardon my face, the flash was really bright, and I had just got home from a 10 hour work day so I was exhausted!


Here's Booboo Butt in his bouncer. He is finally liking the bouncer. Up until this week he would scream within minutes of being put in it, but he's finally learned to appreciate it, and he wiggles around to the music just to make himself bounce. It's so precious to watch.

Aidan's version of a smile. He's getting there! He smiles his little half smile a couple times a day. It doesn't seem to be gas related, but it might be. Either way it melts my heart each and everytime, especially when he smiles at me when I get home from work! It's like he missed me. :)
Another one of us. We both look a little wonky, but it shows off his cute double chin, and mine, too. LOL.

Aidan slept through the night a couple nights in a row so far. The first time was Sunday night, from 11pm-6:30am. Monday night he got up once to eat (but slept 9 hours all together). Tuesday was 8 hours all together, with one feeding in the middle, and Wednesday night was a 6 hour stretch, a feeding, and then another 4 hour stretch.

I can hopefully say this will continue! He's an excellent sleeper. He just lays there and snores his little baby snores, and even when he does wake up to eat he doesn't go straight to screaming, he just wiggles around and grunts enough to wake me up, and I feed him and he goes straight back to sleep.

I'm not even going to lie, even if this whole sleeping well thing is only temporary, we're definitely enjoying the increased sleep. It makes my time with him SO MUCH more enjoyable when I have some sleep.

He is so much more alert now than he was last week. He spends hours at a time awake, just looking around and cooing, and grunting, and being quiet. He isn't a crier unless he needs something. I consider us SO BLESSED. I read about poor babies who cry all the time, and their poor parents and I can't even imagine. I'm thrilled to have such a good baby boy.

He's starting to develop a sense of independence. Sometimes I'll hold him after I feed him and he'll start to fuss. If I lay him down alone he will lay there happily and quietly and eventually fall asleep. Sometimes he wants to be held, but sometimes he just wants to be left alone! Just like me and Mike. LOL.

We had an allergic reaction with him, and it scared the crap out of us! I went to buy formula and decided to try CVS brand soy formula since Enfamil Prosobee is so expensive, and his first feeding with it was around 1am Wednesday morning. He spit up pretty much everything he ate, but he fell asleep so I figured it was reflux related and I let him sleep it off. I went to work as usual Wednesday and Mike called me around 2pm saying Aidan wouldn't eat, and when he did he would spit it all up and then cry for more, wash rinse and repeat. We figured it was formula related, he didn't have a fever. I left work, bought Enfamil, and came home and fed him. Sure enough he ate it all up, then some more, and kept it all down. By last night he had a rash all over his face where he had spit up that CVS formula. Anywhere the formula touched on his face and chest he has broken out in a red bumpy rash. It's slowly getting better today, but it's still there. Poor boy, I can't even imagine how he must of felt on the inside when he ate the formula since he has a rash on the outside. I feel SO GUILTY, but I had no way of knowing he'd be allergic!

So from now on we have a strict Only-Enfamil policy in our house. Every other brand of formula we've tried with him has not gone well for one reason or another. I'd rather spend the money and have a happy, healthy baby!

So it's Christmas Eve and tonight we're going to be with Mike's Dads side of the family. Tomorrow we're going to my grandparents house in the early afternoon, and Mike's Moms later in the afternoon. Busy busy! Aidan has a santa outfit we're dressing him in tomorrow. I'll make sure to take pictures. He's snoozing right now, so I'm going to go hop in the shower while Mike watches him. I hope everyone has a happy holiday!

Week Three

Here's my little man, looking confused as to why I was taking pictures instead snuggling him. This week has gone well. He definitely hit a growth spurt at 2 weeks, and I think he's possibly starting one this week as well. I try not to put too much stock in growth spurts though, isn't that first year one big growth spurt pretty much? LOL. His sleeping is going well, he's napping a little less during the day and only waking up 2-3 times per night maximum. If I go to bed around 11pm I only have to get up with him once, maybe twice. It's really nice to get some uninterrupted sleep in 3-4 hour stretches!

Here's Booboo in his car seat. I wish I was a picture to compare it to, but he used to be swallowed by his car seat! He actually fits it pretty well now, and we had to loosen the straps a little to accomodate him.
He's such an old man in a small body.. he's so pensive and quietly alert through most of the day. He just loves to stare at our faces, and whenever a cat meows he gets all excited and frustrated trying to find the source of that noise. It's super cute.
Big yawn, showing off his perpetually white tounge, thanks to the soy milk for that. I thought he had a case of thrush, but it all wipes off if I sit there and attempt to wipe it off, which I don't anymore now that I know it's just formula!
And one last picture of him sleeping, so peaceful! And before anyone gripes at me we live in Florida and it was 80 degrees outside! He was perfectly toasty and warm. :)

I can't believe we're almost at 1 month with him. It seems like I've known this little person forever! I'm happy to say my weight loss is ongoing, albeit obviously quite a bit slower than those first few weeks. I am also happy to say that the majority of my baby blues have gone away. I was a bit worried about post partum depression considering my past with anxiety and depression, but so far things are going okay, no extended crying jags or any irrational thoughts or feelings.

I'm feeling good overall. I'm not really bleeding anymore, I'm barely even spotting. I don't have to wear any sort of panty liners anymore. YAY for that, I hated it! I almost maybe feel like I could be up for some sexy time, but so far I'm holding off. I want to wait at least a month post partum, and 6 weeks falls on January 7th. I am also nervous about getting pregnant again so soon. I love Aidan, but please no more for at least a couple years!! LOL. I'm thinking about getting a 2 year IUD placed at my 6 week appt. I definitely will NOT remember to take a pill every day, so obviously standard birth control really isn't a good idea. I thought about Depo, but I've heard weight gain is common with that and I don't need to gain any weight! Plus my periods were pretty severe prepregnancy, so I'm hoping an IUD could help lighten them a bit, and help ease off some of the PMS symptoms. We'll see!

I will be posting another update for Christmas, and then another for his 4 week update. Time is flying!

Week Two + Pictures

Aidan is over two weeks old now! I already see so many changes in him. His little fingernails are already twice the size they were at birth, his toes and fingers are longer, his eyes are settling more into a brown rather than slate gray, etc. My little man is literally changing before my eyes.

The second week went much better than the first for the most part. He settled into a every 2-4 hour sleeping/eating schedule at night, so that helps out tremendously! He had his two week pediatrician checkup, he's now 21 inches tall and 7 lb 15 oz. So he regained all of his weight plus some! He also appears to have reflux. Doctor put him on two medications, Zantac and one other one I can't remember. It's really helping a ton. He doesn't spit up as much anymore, doesn't arch his neck and back to the breaking point after feedings. the doctor was skeptical but I knew all about reflux and he had classic symptoms so he relented and gave us the meds. I'm so happy I held my ground because it's helped his sleep, and helped us sleep better too. he doesn't act like he's in pain anymore. yay!

I am sick, but luckily I'm getting over it. Wednesday I woke up from a nap feeling like crap, took my temp and it was 102! By that night it was 103. Mike slept in the living room with Aidan in the travel crib so I could get some uninterrupted sleep. My fever was gone the next day, but my sore throat, headaches, runny stuffy nose, and swollen glands still persist. I'm keeping my distance from Aidan unless I'm doing something neccesary like changing or feeding him. I don't want him sick!

I had my two week checkup at my OBs office too. According to their scales I've lost 43 lbs in two weeks. They were shocked! I almost fell off the scale, too. I weighed in at 230 on delivery day, and 187 on Thursday. I am somewhere around 185 today. I'm not doing anything different, I'm eating all my meals, I'm certainly not exercising or anything yet. I guess I'm a freak of nature.


That's me in early labor.


And that's me today.

Aidan also had his first bath and he loved it! Here's an after picture, happy as a clam in his ducky towel. <3

The First Week

I can't believe our son is over a week old already! He's doing really well. His cicumcision is healed nicely, and his umbilical cord stump fell off last night at some point because I found it in his sleeper this morning.

Things have been hectic, but wonderful. He is a really good baby. He sleeps a lot during the day, like most newborns. The first week was a little hard because his nightly schedule was being awake (and crying) from around midnight until at least 7am. Luckily into the second week he's started to regulate himself, and he's been sleeping 2-3 and sometimes 4 hour stretches at night, only really waking up to eat. It's really nice to get those 3 hour stretches of sleep. I've been trying to regulate myself to less sleep because I go back to work on Friday and I won't be able to nap! I have been trying to stay up during the days this week, last week I napped every day. LOL.

I am happy to go back to work, even though it's really early. I'm ready to get back into earning money. Sucks that Mike can't find a job, because otherwise I could afford to stay home longer! Stupid job market.

My outside stitches are dissolved, I'm not sure about any internal ones. Obviously I'm not sticking anything up there to find out. Feeling pretty well these days, except for a killer headache today.

I've already lost all of my baby weight, I actually weigh 3 lbs less than when I found out I was pregnant. Not sure how that happened, but I'll take it! So nice to be able to wear prepregnancy clothes again.

Aidan has his 2 week checkup on Wednesday, and I go for my 2 week checkup on Thursday. I hope he's doing well, and myself, too. I can't wait to see how much he weighs, I'm sure he's surpassed his birth weight by now. These two weeks have been a whirlwind.. poor Mike is in for a shock starting Friday. He knows he's staying home with Aidan but I don't think he understands quite what it means to be alone with a newborn all day. He's really good with changing diapers, feedings, etc. I'm not worried about leaving them alone together, but I hope he can handle it. I can't afford daycare with Mike not working right now!

Anyway, I'm going to go change a diaper and love on my son.

Labor Story

So I've been putting off writing this. I wasn't sure how to format it, what to say, and didn't want any details to be lost in translation. It was such a precious, scary time for me. I really hope to remember it so I'm forcing myself to write it out finally while Aidan sleeps.

I went in for my scheduled induction on Wednesday, November 25th at 7am. They took my right up to labor and delivery, I changed into a gown, and my nurse set up my IV for fluids. After a quick cervix check, still 1cm and 50% effaced, my nurse popped some Pitocin in my IV line at 8am and we were getting settled in. I had Mike with me of course, and my really good friend Stacey took her time to be with me there, too. We sat around and played cards, Phase 10. I started getting menstrual cramp like contractions around 9am, but they didn't reach a painful point until about noon. By noon I was having clear cut contractions, I could feel the beginning, the peak, and the end of each one. By this point I had been having consistant contractions every 2-4 minutes for about 4 hours, so she checked me again. I was only 2cm and 60% effaced. After she checked me I started losing my mucus plug, and that resulted in pretty much constant bleeding for the rest of my labor. By 3pm my contractions were painful enough that I wanted the TV off, total silence, and something for pain. Because I was still early on an epidural was out of the question, since my doctor seemed to think I would end up a 2 day induction. I opted for a shot of Nubain, which basically made me feel drunk. I spent 4 hours in and out of sleep, only waking up for contractions. I could still feel them, even though the sensation was dulled a bit.

By 6pm my doctor checked me and I was 2.5cm and 80% effaced. She turned off the Pitocin, let me shower, eat dinner, walk around, etc. She wanted me to rest, so I took an Ambien and passed out until 4am when my IV was hooked back up to the Pitocin. I started having pretty immediate contractions. My body remembered the pitocin and kicked right into gear. By 6am I was really, really uncomfortable with such close contractions and I had to go to the bathroom. I went to sit up and I felt like I had peed on myself! I got up, went to the bathroom, and came back. I noticed though that with every contraction more fluid would leak out. I really didn't want to cry wolf, but I mentioned it to my nurse anyway. She kind of laughed and said it was probably urine, but when she checked me it was my water! It definitely broke on it's own at 6:05am when I was only 2.5cm. By 6:30am I was in tears, begging for an epidural. Whoever said contractions kick in big time after your water breaks was NOT lying! My stupid nurse didn't want to give me an epidural, since I was so closed still, but after talking to my doctor she relented and called anethesiology. I was about 2 second away from hitting her if she didn't comply ;)

Dr. Ben came in and gave me my epidural. I had to answer questions so he knew that I knew I was consenting to it, had to sign a paper even though I'd preregistered. It was over and done with in about 10 minutes, and no, it didn't hurt at all. Compared to the contractions I'd been having I would have let him stab me 50 times in the back!! I was also given another shot of Nubaine, because my stupid nurse "didn't hear me" when I said I didn't want it, that I'd wait for the epidural. So I spent the rest of my labor in and out, passing out anytime I wasn't being spoken to.

I was checked at noon, and I was 6cm, 100% effaced. My nurse said the lip of my cervix was swollen, and even though I was a 6 the lip was making my cervix remain partially blocked. She decided to fiddle around in there to see if she could stretch my cervix lip out of the way. At this point I had partial sensation in my legs, and I could somewhat feel what she was doing. It didn't feel good, and I couldn't imagine what it would feel like without any medication! She did manage to move it out of the way, and managed to stretch me to 8cm while she was in there. My cervix was swollen 2 full cms! She left for a minute, and by the time she came back I was in transition. I was crying again because I could feel the contractions and the pressure was IMMENSE. I was shaking the whole bed, crying all over myself, and all Mike could do was stare and ask Stacey if this was normal. I tried to tell him it was but I was shaking so bad I thought I'd bite my tongue off with my teeth chattering.

My stupid nurse came prancing back in the room singing "someone looks like they are almost completeeee! look at those shakes!" and I would have literally throat punched her if I thought I would be able to. :P

She told me I'd be pushing in about 30 minutes, she was off to call my doctor and then came back and was setting up. She checked me 5 minutes later and I was complete, ready to go. She instructed me NOT TO PUSH because my cervix lip was swollen again. She thought I might end up with a c section because of it. If I could have lifted my leg I would have kicked her, because no way did I go through all of this to end up with a c section. My doctor popped in, pretty cheerful considering I'd interrupted her Thanksgiving! She agreed my cervix was inflamed, but she said she'd manually hold it back while I pushed. I thought, "okay!" but as soon as she started to hold it back I was screaming in pain. Seriously pushing out my son was EASIER to deal with on a pain level than her hand in there doing god knows what she had to do to get him out. I am not happy my epidural wasn't working right, but it helped me to push because I could feel it. Oh, by the way, the Ring of Fire is definitely an accurate statement to describe what crowning feels like!

I started pushing at 1:56pm on Thanksgiving day, 11/26. I pushed for a total of 5 contractions, 3 pushes each. I delivered Aidan Michael at 2:08PM. He was 7 pounds, 12 ounces, 20.5 inches long. I did have an episiotomy, & stitches.

Honestly it hasn't been bad at all. I expected to feel a lot worse than I do. He is such a joy, incredibly handsome. He has his days and nights mixed up, he sleeps all day and it up from midnight until whenever he stops fighting sleep. The first 4 days was midnight until 7am, last night was midnight until 4am. I'm hoping it keeps getting better!

There was a mix up at the hospital and he wasn't able to be circumcised there, so we took him this morning. He took it well, he screamed for a minute afterwards, and in the car on the way home. Once he was fed and snuggled he fell asleep and has been out all day. I can barely wake him to feed him! My poor little man is tuckered out from it.

Anyway, I hope someone took the time to read that, and hopefully it helps someone else! :)