Oh Happy Day..

Today should be a better day than yesterday, hopefully. I just can't take feeling how I felt yesterday. So absolutely miserable, and hopeless. I actually had to talk myself out of some pretty bad thoughts last night. I hate being bipolar, because moods are never just a state of being. Always fluctuating and moving and threatening to kill any hope of a good day. Yesterday was the perfect example.

So far today things are going smooth.. just about to rearrage my desk. I do it every two or three weeks just to beat the monotony of office work. Not really sure how to rearrange though, because I'm pretty happy with the way things are now. Maybe a few tweaks, like moving around pictures.

Bad Day

Today is a bad day. I feel fat, disgusting, depressed, and ill. I feel like I might hurl.

For some reason today just took a horrible turn and now I just want to go home and go to sleep.

Strange day..

I keep having horrible nightmares every night. I wake up sobbing and shaking. It's so annoying! I've also been having headaches every single day. The dreams usually involve me being chased, someone I love dying, or losing something important. Dreams like this make me feel emotionally raw and stressed out. Here's to hoping tonight is filled with sweet dreams.

Or at least some less frightening ones :P

Note

I did indeed purchase our hotel stay for our vacation next month.

Serious insane anxiety involving booking (even 5 hours later I'm panicky.)

Obviously if I have this much anxiety over booking a vacation then I NEED a vacation.

Anxiety

So I'm having booking anxiety when it comes to actually booking our hotel room for our anniversary. Anxiety is telling me "what if we could get a better deal?" (yeah right! Spring Break in Florida, not happening) "what if the hotel sucks?" (with Siesta Village RIGHT THERE and Siesta Beach RIGHT THERE we don't need no stinkin' fancy pants hotel!)

I'm going to book it though. Today. before they have a chance to jack up their rates Spring Break style. Wish me luck, and no buyer's remorse. :P

A-Ha!

I think I have found the location of our super romantic laid back anniversary weekend trip next month. :P

Siesta Key, Florida! It's a little key north of the Key West keys on the Gulf of Mexico. It's about 3 hours south of us. A lot of places were $300+ per night, since our anniversary falls during Spring Break week here in Florida. :( But the place I'm going to book came out to $275 for a two night stay, which is about $137.59 per night. And it's a jacuzzi suite! Yay for newly established hotels and their cheap deals. I'm not picky. As long as the room is clean why would it matter what the hotel is like? It's directly on Siesta Beach, has a pool, BBQ area, tiki bar, and 24 front desk service. That's all I need. :P

I'm super excited. :)

Yay for weekends..

Today is the first day in a week that I've been off of work! And I can do WHATEVER I want! Yay!

Today will be fun. Mike and I are running out to Lowe's to look for some ABS plastic, or something like that. Then we are going to pick up his neice and take her to the batting cages since softball sign-ups are soon. Then I guess we are all going to get haircuts. Woo! I will no longer look like a shaggy beast.

I guess I'm out of here, I have places to go and things to do!

Hormonal Mood Swings..

Ah, hormonal mood swings are awesome! Not really.

Today (this morning, at work) I cried big, fat alligator tears over my love life. I love Mike with all of my heart and soul. We have an awesome relationship. Ever since he's been sober his libido has died. DIED, I TELL YOU. I am missing and mourning the loss of big long make out sessions, and love making. I have been told possibly he's in a depression, or stressed over his sobriety. And I agree. I just wish we could get that level of intimacy back. We are still intimate, but not in the really passionate way we used to be. I haven't brought it up to him much because I don't want him to start drinking again, thinking that will fix the problem. When I have tried to bring it up he says, "sex is overrated". End of conversation.

I'm just frustrated by it all. And being a big ball of menstrual hormones isn't helping things.

Sometimes being a woman is not fun, not fun at all.

Numero Uno

So my uterus feels like it's trying to escape my body in the most violent manner. I suppose it's safe to assume I'm not knocked up this month. Sucky. In other news, I have a chef salad sitting here on my desk that Awesome Coworker (here on out known as ACW) so kindly purchased for me for lunch. I'm ready to chow down, but haven't had time yet. Mmm nom nom.

I was blessed this month that my premenstrual time did NOT result in me eating my weight's worth of food daily for a week. Really no changes at all, not even mood wise. The 50mg Clomid may not have induced ovulation as expected, but it sure made my last period really short, and eliminated PMS this time. Not too sure what that is about!

I'm at work grooving to cheesy 80s and 90s music. Awesome.

One Armed Wonder (here on out known as OAW) is kissing my ass lately. I guess she realized that treating me like trash would get her no where but fired and has decided to try to be nice. Good.