4 Months

Dear Aidan,

I'm not even sure what to say. I say my feelings to you everyday. It's still important for me to get them out in print because you won't remember our chats.

You are the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. Your smiles melt my heart. Your giggles make me laugh until I cry. Your little feet get kissed 100 times a day, because by God I MADE THOSE. I still am in shock that your daddy and I made you. How did someone SO PERFECT come from two such flawed people? Even in the middle of a screaming fit or my 5th time getting up with you at night (rarely) I still find something in you to appreciate and love.

Right before my eyes you're growing. You've found your feet and love to chew on your hands. You reach out now and play with toys. I feel like just yesterday I was in labor pushing you out of me. Now you're such an independant soul, and it's a little rough on Mommy sometimes. You don't want to be rocked to sleep anymore. You want to be laid in your crib while you're awake, with the Fisher Price Seahorse playing and you put yourself to sleep. 9 time out of 10 I stand and watch you fall asleep. It makes me feel like maybe, somewhere inside you, you still need me.

Everyday at work is a struggle. All I do is think about you and count the minutes until I can snuggle with you again.

You're growing right in front of me, and all I can do it watch, squeal with excitement at your new milestones, and pray you always love your mommy as much as she loves you.

Always Yours,
Mommy